Fiction Friday – 29th Jan

For the second time, I thought I’d have a go at Fiction Friday (nearly everyone in the office is out at a meeting so I’ve had the time.)

Fiction Friday comes from the Write Anything blog here.   The rules are:

  • Spend at least 5 minutes composing something original based on the theme or challenge.
  • But, remember, no editing. This is to inspire creativity not stifle it.
  • On Friday, simply post what you wrote to your own blog.
  • Today’s prompt is

    For the last nine years a wife has forgotten her husband’s birthday. The tenth time, he snaps…

    Here’s my (totally unedited – so ignore the spelling and punctuation) effort:

    After breakfast and not a word from Suze about the day, Tim stormed upstairs.  He couldn’t believe it, every year.  She could remember their anniversary, his mum’s birthday and it seemed every other important date on the calendar, but not his birthday. 

    For the last few years it had started to get to him, did she not care enough to remember?  Even his best friend remembered.  Tim suspected he did that on purpose, just to make Suze look bad – they’d never got on that well.  If his best friend could remember, surely his wife should be able to.  Especially after 10 years. 

    He sat on the bed, putting his head in his hands.  Was he blowing this out of all proportion?  The boys down the pub laughed at the situtation, it was always them that forgot their wife’s birthdays, and the wives that remembered.  Maybe he should be married to one of them instead.

    For the last couple of days he’d been saying to himself that he’d leave if she didn’t remember.  He loved her with all his heart, but if she couldn’t remember something so important.  It was just thoughts, he knew he’d never leave her, but it wasn’t good having these thoughts. 

    Actually, no.  He was going to leave her.  Just for the night. Or the weekend.  He’d go to Bob’s for a couple of days.  The kids were with Jayne that weekend, so they could have a proper boys weekend.  Yeah, that would teach Suze a lesson. 

    Tim jumped up quiclky, grabbed a bag and started packing a few essentials.  He knew he had to do it quickly before he changed his mind.  He pulled the bedroom door open with excessive force, and watched as it slammed against the wall.  That would be a job for him for next weekend. 

    He leapt towards the bathroom, knowing he had to hurry, this thought was already waning away from this leaving thing.  When he got to the bathroom he stopped.  Something was wrong.  He racked his brains trying to work out what.  The bathroom looked exactly like it had when he’d been in there every morning and evening this week. 

    The front door.  It was open.  Although it was July and the house was quite hot, even at this early hour, they never left the front door.  He walked back to the top of the stairs and looked down.  It was closed.

    ‘Suze?’  He shouted.  Nothing.  Strange.  Wairely Tim started walking down.  He thought he heard voices coming from the living room.  TV?  Suze didn’t usually put it on in the morning.  When he got to the bottom he pressed his ear against the closed door.  There were murmered voices coming from behind it.  Puzzeled he slowly opened the door to see all his friends and family standing around talking.  Oh no… They didn’t….

    At the end of the room Suze saw him, her face lit up and she shouted

    ‘SURPRISE!’. 

    I’d love to hear what you think of it.  Positive and negative comments welcomed 🙂

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    14 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – 29th Jan

      • I took part in NaNo in November so I can write without editing – in fact it’s the only way I’ve ever written. I find it hard to POST what I’ve written unedited! I’ll get used to it, I’ll definitely keep doing these Fiction Fridays.

        Thanks for what you said, I’m glad it came across well, I though it might be a bit rushed, but I guess that’s what he was doing so good.

    1. Hello there
      Can I just say that I really like your blog site!! I’m new to writing on here too- my first friday fiction post was last week and I have found it can be quite addictive! I love your piece- you have told us quite a bit about 2 characters without actually describing them, just showing us what they do- I want to know why Suze suddenly decided to remember Tim’s birthday and didn’t the other 9 years. It would be interesting to read the same story but from Suze’s viewpoint. Hope to see another post next week 🙂

      • Thanks 🙂 You’re right it’s totally addictive – I’ve been doing it for nearly a year and I can’t imagine life without it.
        Thanks for your comments, and thanks for the idea, I’m just about to post Suze’s reaction to what happened. Hope you like it as much as Tim’s view.

    2. I liked the fact that she actually remembered this time. My first reaction to the mem was similar to your but somehow it went way off course. Oh an off note, hope you enjoy reading Twilight!

      • Noo, don’t say that. When I started writing he was going to, but then Suze popped up with the surprise party so it had to go off on another tangent – damn characters, I hate it when they have a mind of their own!

    3. That’s certainly a switch. It’s usually the men who we think of as forgetting. The surprise at the end, actually did surprise me..

      Also wanted to let you know there’s something over at my blog for you. Enjoy!

    4. This had a bit of a twist since we usually think of men as forgetting but I didn’t expect the ending!!! I think you had fun writing this.

      I’ve awarded you the Prolific Blogger Award over at my blog.! Have a look see..

    5. Pingback: Fiction Friday Follow up « Newtowritinggirl’s Blog

      • My little girl!! I love your blogs, brings tears to my eyes; not quite sure why, prob just because I’m proud of you, oh, and also because you have a kind of secret life, and you’re a totally competent writer, and where did it come from? Seems not long ago that you were a little girl, and you were still learning about life, then suddenly you’re writing about it.
        OK, so about the story. Although I’ve never been unlucky enough to be forgotten on my heaps of decades of birthdays, there was one, twenty-odd years ago, my fortieth, when I came downstairs, (supposedly ready to pop down to the local restaurant with your dad) about to greet Judy, the babysitter, and was stunned to find, instead of Judy on her own, her husband, the neighbours, all my friends and family, all gathered in the sitting room in silence until, a second later, HAPPY BIRTHDAY burst around me. Similarly, twenty years later, (my sixtieth) my scheming children did a quick diversion on the way to the Greek Restaurant, persuaded me to pop in quickly to the leisure centre. Reluctantly (we were in danger of being late) I popped in with them and took a double take at the bar door, where there was a blown up photo Icognised of – WHAT? – me as a five year old, with coronation ribbons in my hair. The mind plays funny tricks, doesn’t it when you can’t quite believe what you see, completely out of context! The room full of friends, family and workmates made me realise …….. oh, what a wonderful surprise! What more can I say? This time I wasn’t fooled, I knew what Tim would find!!! 😀 At least, I desperately hoped!! But I have to admit, it was close to the end I cottoned on. Also, have to say, I love your novel, can’t wait for you to write full-time! Sorry to hear you won’t have so much time to write tho’.

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