Fiction Friday – The Statue

I’ve been reading this week about dialogue, so my plan for today’s piece was to try to convey a whole story just through dialogue.  I got a bit bored of that, so added narrative as I went along. 

Fiction Friday: Write for at least 5 minutes using the prompt.  Do not edit before posting. 

The prompt: Your character doesn’t make impulse purchases, but one day at the market they felt compelled to buy… what?

The Statue

‘Oh wow.  Look at that.’

            ‘Hmmm.  I’m not too sure where we’d put it?’

            ‘On the fireplace.’

            ‘You sound very sure about that?’

            ‘Uh.  Yeeaaah.’

            ‘Oh god.  You really want it don’t you?’  Nicki’s smile said it all.  He sighed.  ‘How much?’  She turned it over to show him and tried to hide her wince.  ‘HOW MUCH?’  He looked up at her.  ‘Do you really think it will go in the lounge though?’  She shrugged. 

            Without the conversation going any further they both knew he was going to buy it for her.  He often said to his mates he was lucky, she wasn’t one of those women that went round asking for him to buy her lots.  Having seen the price on the artefact he was glad.

 

            As soon as Jack opened the door Nicki ran to the living room and placed it on the fireplace. 

            ‘See look.  I was right, it does go.’  Jack looked round the minimalist room and couldn’t understand her logic.  Other than the picture of their wedding day next to it and the potpourri on the table, there was nothing in the room. 

            ‘I’m not sure I agree.’

            ‘Well you have to.  Come on, let’s go get a coffee.’ She dragged him off to the kitchen quickly.

            ‘Jack.  I don’t know what’s going on.’  He looked blankly at her.  ‘Oh, you’re not going to believe me.  You’re going to think I’m going mad.’ 

            ‘It’s ok Honey.  I’m not going to think you’re going mad.  Why don’t you sit down and calm down a little while I put the kettle on?’

            ‘Ok.’

            ‘Ok.  Deep breath.  And out.  That’s it.  Right.  So, what’s wrong?’

            ‘That thing…’

            ‘The amazingly expensive for what it is bit of junk you made me buy you?’

            ‘Shhhhhhh.  It will hear.’

            ‘Whaaat?’

            ‘Promise me you’ll listen to everything before you tell me I’m mad?’  He nodded, unsure if he could keep this promise if the conversation was going to go where he thought it was.

            ‘When I saw it, I wasn’t going to point it out because I liked it, I was going to point it out because it was so hideous.  But when I opened my mouth, nice things came out.  Then I told you I wanted it, when I really didn’t.  It was like I couldn’t control what I was saying… Like it was controlling me.’

            ‘Okaaay.  I know I wasn’t going to say anything, but are you sure?  It’s not just something you like, but you’re afraid to like?’  She shook her head. 

            ‘Well lets get rid of it then.’

            ‘No, wait.  Jack.  NO!’  He ignored her protests and strode back to the living room, but stopped abruptly in the door way.  He turned to look at Nicki who’d hesitantly followed him.

            ‘It’s gone!’

So there you have it.  I’m feeling a little lethargic today, so don’t think I’ve been able to give it the umph it needs, so much so, I debated not posting it.  But where would the fun be in that?

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4 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – The Statue

  1. I like the way it was going as far as the staute controling him but was kind of let down when it ended. I wanted more. I thought that when he went into the other room and she followed that it was going to gain control of her. And that could lead to some serious conflict.

  2. A good construction of dialogue that makes the conversation appear realistic and natural. But you’re right in adding some description to maintain pace and focus.
    The sinister nature of the object, without describing it, keeps the reader interested. Good twist to the end, but like Terry, would love to know more.

  3. Thanks for the comments.

    I would have loved to write more about what the statue actually was, but it’s not really formed in my head yet. It might be something I put a bit more time into at some point. When I know where it’s headed.

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