Fiction Friday – 26th March

This week’s prompt from Write Anything:  ‘Shhh… did you hear that?’  Here’s my story (remember unedited):

‘Shhhh.  Did you hear that?’

‘What?’  

‘That!’

‘I don’t hear anything.’

‘You must do.  I’m not hearing things.  It sou… that.’

What was that?’ Jade hissed. 

‘I don’t know.  I’m going to find out.’ 

‘NO!’

‘Shhhhhhhhh.’

‘Don’t leave me alone.’

‘Well come with me then.’ 

Jade went through the options.  She really didn’t want to go with Si, but at the same time she didn’t want to stay there.  If she went with Si whatever that noise was might get her, but if she stayed there alone, it might dodge Si and just get her.  She decided to go with Si, he’d always protected her in the past so he probably would again.

Si crept towards the door, making as little noise as possible.  Jade followed behind, but not knowing the layout of the area as well as Si did, she tripped on something and fell to the floor. 

‘Omph.’

‘Shhhhhhh.  Oh, are you alright?’  Jade stood up rubbing her knee. 

‘Yeah.  I hurt my knee.’

‘Can you still walk, or do you want to wait here?’

‘No, no.  I’ll come.’

‘Well be careful this time.’  He reached back and grabbed her hand in an effort to keep her close and safe. 

When they got to the door they stopped and both held their breath.  There is was again.  And again.  It was getting more frequent.’

‘Do you think it’s getting closer?’  Jade asked, they both knew by this point it was something bad.  Nothing good could make that noise. 

‘I don’t know.’

‘Do we have to go and find out?  Can’t we just stay here?  Maybe it will go away.’

He turned to look at her, even in the dark she knew his look would say we both know that’s not going to happen

Si took a chance and started opening the door.  Jade moved further behind the opening door in fear.  There was no light coming from the corridor, although it was only dusk all the bedroom doors were closed giving the room the illusion of night. 

‘The hall’s clear.  I think it’s coming from downstairs.’  He eased himself through the gap in the door, pulling Jade along with him. 

As they stepped into the hall they saw light coming from downstairs. 

The noise happened once, twice, three times then stopped.  They stopped.  It started again.  Once, twice. 

Jade released Si’s hand for a second to wipe hers on her jeans, she hadn’t realised that she was sweating so much.  Luckily Si was too, he did the same, then they joined hands again and started towards the stairs.

‘Si.  It’s a cutting noise isn’t it?’

‘I don’t know.  I think so.  Come on.  Let’s find out.’

The took the stairs one at a time, very slowly.  On the fourth step Si turned round to Jade.

‘We need to miss the next stair, it creaks.  Can you do it quietly?’  Jade wasn’t sure, but nodded anyway.  She had no choice but to try.  She looked ahead, the pale light from behind the downstairs doors illuminating the way.  She managed to miss the step easily.

After that they got down the rest of the stairs easily.  At the bottom the stopped and looked at each other.  The noise was still happening.  It was random, it would start, happen a few times then stop.  The a couple more times, then stop. 

‘Come on.  We’ve come this far, we need to find out what it is.’

‘Is it going to get us?’

‘I don’t know Jade.’  Si looked round the hall.  He saw the umbrella stand, and grabbed a couple, giving one to Jade.  ‘Here, you can use this as a weapon to get it.’ 

Jade took it, noticing she was trembling.  They covered the distance from stairs to kitchen silently.  The closer they got the louder the noise got.  At the kitchen door Si turned back to Jade. 

‘It’s now or never.  I’m going to push the door open fully, we’ll go in together and use the umbrella to beat whatever it is to death.’  Jade gulped, she didn’t want to have to, but she knew she might get killed if she didn’t do what Si say saying. If it was her life or it’s she was going to kill it. 

‘1… 2… 3…’

Si threw the door open quickly, they looked in and gasped, taking in the scene.

‘Oh there you two kids are.  Dinner’s nearly ready are you hungry?’  Si’s mum tuned back to her chopping board and continued to cut the carrots.

I was totally inspired for this by reading Rose’s pre story writing where she was talking about her daughter. I hope that the fact they’re children doesn’t come across until Si’s mum speaks.  Please let me know if you think it does, or doesn’t.  Obviously it need to be worked on – a lot. 

If you’re interested in anything else I’ve written from prompts, I started something yesterday from the prompt ‘Peter’s Chair.’

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10 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – 26th March

  1. You have convincingly kept the illusion that they are not children, keeping the suspense realistic until all is revealed at the end.
    I had a later thought in a similar vein wherein my protagonists are caught in a battle, only for it to be revealed it is a game of office laser tag. Ridiculously silly, I know, but there you go.
    Good pace to the story, too.

    • Thanks for the comments. I never plan these before I write these things so it’s so good to hear that they work.
      Although your idea is silly, I think it would be cool – a bit of silliness is always good 🙂

  2. Great suspense!! I couldn’t wait to find out what they’d found and loved the twist at the end- I hadn’t guessed they were children. Gosh did my pre-story ramble inspire you? I wish my 7 month old would inspire me sometimes- to be honest sometimes she does and I get an idea, but then by the time I’ve got a spare minute to write it down I’ve forgotten what it was in the first place!! Typical!! I agree with Adam too- there’s a really good pace to this piece, something I often find difficult to do. Have a lovely Easter 🙂

    • Thanks Rose.
      I’ve started carrying a notepad around with me to write down ideas I have. Still don’t use it, I imagine having a little one would give you even less chance to.
      Have a great Easter too.

  3. You built the suspense and kept the children a secret until the right time. What a good twist. I have a warped little mind. I would have had them open the door and see a hand holding a meat cleaver, only to find out that she was cutting up chicken for supper. I know I am a real sick-o.
    But it was a real surprise to find out they were children. Good job!

  4. From early on in the story I got the impression that the characters were children but wasn’t sure until you revealed it at the end.

    The mannerisms are what made me think Okay, these are two young kids. Jade seemed overly fearful (not saying that an adult wouldn’t be) and her reaction from falling onto her knee seemed like something a child would do. When they grabbed the umbrellas to use as weapons I was pretty sure you were telling the tale of two children. Of the two, Si most definitely seemed like the older and more adult of the duo.

    Despite the characters being children (which I only mention because you asked about it at the end of the story), I enjoyed reading it and think it is something that many people can relate to. I’ve had my fair share of childhood adventures that turned out much the same way.

    Thanks for the read 🙂

  5. it was really exciting till the end and u held ma attention till the end1!!
    Truly speaking, I couldn’t know they were children and neither did I make an effort to know. I wanted to know what was making sound, though I had somewhere in my mind that it must be a petty issue!!!

    Very well presented!! Thanks for it.,….

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