Fiction Friday – The Note

I’m posting this a day early as I’m not at work tomorrow so can’t guarantee I’ll go on the computer.  And I really wanted to carry on with my Fiction Friday habit. 

For Fiction Friday you have to write for (at least) five minutes using the prompt provided.  You then have to post what you’ve written WITHOUT EDITING.

The prompt for this week is…

An April Fools prank gone too far.

And this is how my story goes…

The Note

            ‘She’s going to be so upset, we can’t let her do it.’

            ‘It’s too late now.  She’ll kill us.’

            ‘She’ll kill us more when she finds out what we’ve done.’

            ‘Maybe she won’t find out it’s us?’  Stacey’s look didn’t even convince herself she wouldn’t know it was them. 

            ‘We shouldn’t have let it go so far.  We’re bad bad friends.’

            ‘Yeah we are, but it was funny wasn’t it.  When he looked over at her and she waved.  He had no idea how to handle that.’  Stacey laughed a little.  Soph looked over, she wasn’t finding it funny any more.  How did she let herself get talked into this?  Stacey had made it sound so innocent.  Just a little joke on April Fools day.  It was too much though, they were really going to hurt Toni’s feelings. 

            They hadn’t even thought that Toni like Paul.  They thought she’d laugh it off, no one would get hurt.  Except maybe Paul when they laughed at him, but he would’ve never known why.  Her expression when she read the note though, showed that she did in fact like him.  If only she’d told them before, they wouldn’t have done it.

            Soph herself would have admitted it was a prank as soon as she saw Toni’s face light up.  They could have explained there and then, Toni would have been upset, but they could’ve laughed it off immediately.  Stacey hadn’t let her say anything.  No, that’s not true, she’d stopped her saying anything there and then, but she could have pushed and said something.

            It all came down to the fact Soph was a little scared of Stacey.  Maybe not scared, but in awe.  She couldn’t believe that she’d chosen her and Toni to be her friends.  The year before she’d been on of the most popular girls in their year, then over the summer something changed.  She dropped all her friends.  Toni had been in her English class on the first day of term, and stuck with them over since. 

            They still couldn’t believe she wanted to be friends with them.  It wasn’t that Soph and Toni weren’t cool.  They were just a different type of cool.  Not popular cool.

            Paul was popular cool.  That’s why it would’ve been funny.  Or why Stacey thought it would be funny.  Toni shouldn’t fancy Paul.  He’s too mainstream for them.  Their coolness is in the fact they don’t like the traditional things 15 year olds do.  They hate pop, must preferring drum and bass.  They don’t dress in little skirts and cute tops – more like ripped jeans and low cut vest tops.  They could’ve been totally ostracised at school because of it, but people accepted their differences. 

            But not enough for Paul to want to go out with Toni.  As far as Soph knew he’d not spoken to her since primary school.  They’d been in opposite classes at school, and obviously didn’t socialise at the same places. 

            ‘Look, I’ve got to go.’

            ‘You’re not going to go stop Toni are you?’ Soph sighed.  She wanted to, but she knew Stacey wouldn’t be happy if she did.  It didn’t matter, looking at her watch she realised he wouldn’t have time to, even if she wanted to. 

            ‘No.  No.  I promised Mum I’d pick Jason up from the babysitter.  She’s working late again tonight.’ 

            ‘I could come too?’ Stacey  obviously Stacey didn’t want to go home alone.

            ‘Sorry, not tonight.  I’ve got to do dinner, put Jase to bed and I’ve not even started that Biology essay for tomorrow.’  It was a lie, but she needed time alone.  She needed to work out how she’d make it up to Toni, but before that, how she’d explain it to her. 

            ‘No worries.  I’ll see you tomorrow.’ 

            ‘Yep.  Meet you normal time, normal place.’ 

            ‘You betcha.’ 

 

            A couple of hours later, just as Soph and Jason were finishing their dinner, Soph got a text from Toni.

            Out of Credit.  Call me.

            ‘Hey.  Mum says it’s rude to look at your phone when you’re eating.’

            ‘Well..’ Stacey finished her mouthful and stood up to go in the other room.  ‘Mum’s not here right now is she.’  She ruffled her little brother’s hair affectionately.  No matter how annoying he was, she couldn’t help loving him.  ‘Just got to make a quick call, make sure you finish all your peas.’  She turned round as she got to the door and saw his head bobbing.  She knew he was imitating her.

            ‘Hey, no feeding anything to the dog.’

            ‘Yes Mum.’ He said while putting his hand to his head in a salute. 

            As Soph walked into the lounge she tried to stop her mind racing through what she could say to Toni.  She’d decided she’d wing it, see how mad she was and take it as she went.  That wasn’t stopping her from being nervous, as she dialled the number she noticed her hands were shaking a little. 

            ‘Hey.’ Toni said when she answered.  She didn’t sound upset, she definitely wasn’t crying.  This was all good.

            ‘Hey back atcha.’  There was a silence.  Soph should be filling it with asking Toni how it went.  She couldn’t, she just couldn’t.

            ‘Sooo…’  Luckily Toni broke the silence.  ‘I’ve just had the best date ever.  Like ever.’ 

            Did Soph hear that right?  The best date ever?  That’s not possible.

            ‘You have?’

            ‘Oh I really really have.  It was great.  He’s awesome.  He’s so funny and…’

            ‘Paul?’ Soph broke in.

            ‘Oh god no.  He’s an idiot.  He didn’t even turn up.’

            ‘Oh real…’

            Don’t say anything Sophie, I have guesses about what happened, and I’m guessing you know all about it. But we’ll get to that later.’  Soph’s hand was still shaking and she started to feel sick. 

‘When Paul didn’t turn up this guy at the table next to me came and sat with me….’

I usually find it quite easy to post things unedited for Fiction Friday (with one exception where I really didn’t like the story), but I’m really not happy about posting this.  I’m not happy with the character of Stacey, I think she needs to be a bit harder – not so worried about the note in the beginning.  I also think her and Soph should be on the phone during their conversation. 

I’d also like to put some description in there.  If Soph and Stacey were on the phone, I could have Soph twirling the phone cable nervously… or maybe she could be doing that while she’s on the phone to Toni.  I don’t know. 

But I will obey the rules, and post unedited.  I think I like this story though, so will probably work a little more on it at some point in the future.  Don’t I always say that and it’s not happened yet…

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7 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – The Note

  1. Perhaps it was because I was trying to read the piece in-between things at work, but I had a very difficult time keeping the characters straight. I wound up reading each paragraph two to three times before I felt comfortable enough to move on.

    While this type of story isn’t exactly my cup of tea, I still found bits and pieces of it interesting. By the time I reached the end I was a little curious as to how the date went.

    Thanks for the story. I’ve been checking Write Anything all week for the latest prompts. I was beginning to worry that they wouldn’t be posted early enough for me and I would wind up posting my submission late. Fortunately, I think I’ll be able to work on it today and post tomorrow.

    • Thanks for the feedback. I’m actually not surprised you had problems following it – I found the first bit was a little confusing. I hadn’t got the characters completely straight then one said something that was out of character for her. But due to the rules of Fiction Friday, I couldn’t go back and edit when I realised that. Oh well… Draft two…

      Looking forward to seeing your story.

  2. Good to see you back again.
    I liked where this was going. Structurally it needs some tightening, but you have captured the essence of teenage relationships. The fragile nature of teenage ego and crushes is at its heart and it gets it across quite authentically.
    The ending’s non-resolution means it could go either way and be a double prank against Stacey.
    It’s all part of the process.

    • I’d not thought about a double prank back on Stacey, I like that idea. This is only the second thing I’ve ever written about teenagers, so glad it came over well. As usual I’m going to say I may work on it a little more, but probably won’t get round to it. I’m much better at writing that sitting down and editing.

  3. Yeah, me too have a difficulties following your story. I guess it’s because the whole time I thought Toni is a he. Sorry, English is not my first language and all I know Toni (or Tony) is a boy’s name. Thus, I started to imagine the whole gay relationship at high school. Hahaha..sorry for that.
    Anyway, I like the way you describe Sophie’s feeling towards Stacey. I know a lot of teenagers can relate to that situation. Nice reading ^ ^

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