Archive | June 4, 2010

Fiction Friday #158

Wow, I can’t believe we’re up to number 158. I’ve been taking part in Fiction Friday for about five months now – I love it so much. I even loved today’s – even when I didn’t have a clue what to write. I had to do some research before I came up with any decent ideas. Actually I don’t even know if my idea’s decent. But it’s an idea.

The prompt from WriteAnything today is:

A Coming of Age Tale

I really would’ve liked to edit this before I posted it, but I’ve stuck with the rules and not touched it. I’ve actually not even read through it, I’m too scared to incase I find something that makes me not want to post it. Here it is anyway.

            ‘Go! Go! GO GO GO!’ the crowd chanted in time and Martin failed to get the beer in his mouth, but succeeded in getting it down his new shirt. A huge cheer went up as he emptied the last of the yard of ale down himself. He jumped up and punched the air, but slipped on the puddle of beer beneath his feet. Half the crowd – mainly Martin’s mates – replaced their cheering with laughter. Some of his family and a couple of the female attendees gasped.

            ‘I’m ok. I’m ok,’ he said, swaying as he pulled himself to his feet. Another cheer erupted.

            Across the room Martin’s non-identical twin brother Greg shook his head and took a sip of his orange juice. He couldn’t work out how they were brothers when they were so different.

            ‘Don’t fancy having a go?’ he turned round to see Samantha entering the room – he hadn’t even seen her leave.

            ‘Yeah right. If I can’t manage a pint, there’s no way I could manage a yard. How much is in it anyway?’ she laughed and threw her head back. The stream of light coming through the crack in the curtains sparkled on her hair. Greg, not for the first time that evening, felt something stir within him watching her.

            ‘I dunno. It doesn’t matter too much, it looks like most of it’s on the floor anyway.’ She laughed again, this time  watching him. He made an effort to laugh, but it was fake. He didn’t’ want to be talking about his brother with her, he wanted to talk to her about other things. Her favourite movie, her favourite smell. Important stuff. Important to him anyway. He doubted Martin thought it was important, he’d seen the way he treated her – often ignoring the things she said, or even worse talking over her. He’d never do that. If he had Sam he’d treat her like the precious gem she was.

            But he didn’t have her. And never would. Martin had made sure of that. He couldn’t blame him, she was gorgeous, and lets face it, Greg hadn’t said anything to her, or even Martin, about liking her. What was the point, she was pretty and popular. What would she see in him? Not when she could have his cool, handsome, funny twin brother. Yet again he wished they were identical so he would’ve had a chance with her.

            Sam pointed at his drink. ‘You should think about something stronger than that, this is your party too.’ Her eyes smiled at him for what he thought was a second longer than necessary before she turned her back on him and walked towards her stupid boyfriend, who was now trying to convince one of his stupid friends to try the yard of ale.

            Greg looked at his glass. Maybe he did need something stronger. It was his 18th after all. If there was any time ever he should be drinking it was definitely tonight.

            His aunt Betty was at the bar when he got there. As usual she pulled him in for a tight hug, then pinched his cheek.

            ‘You are turning into a handsome man aren’t you.’ It wasn’t a question. No one ever questioned Aunt Betty. It was a statement, just a statement he didn’t believe. Maybe he should, Aunt Betty was also known not to ever lie. ‘Have you found anywhere yet?’ He looked blankly at her.

            ‘Sorry Aunt Betty, anywhere for what?’ She laughed, although if he was totally honest, it really was a cackle.

            ‘To live of course my boy.’ If he was confused before, he definitely was now.

            ‘But I live with Mum and Dad. I don’t need anywhere to live.’ The blank expression stayed on his face. Her smile dropped.

            ‘You mean you’ve not started looking yet? But you’ve only got a few days. Lets think about it, when was the last full moon? It was a few weeks ago. You can’t have long. Maybe just a week or so.’

            Greg started feeling wobbly, what was she talking about? Something started nagging in the back of his head, but he couldn’t bring it to the front – to his conscious.

            ‘Aunt Betty, I… I… don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He put his glass down on the bar, afraid he was going to drop it. He had a feeling whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be good news.

            Aunt Betty stared at him, mouth slightly open. Greg looked round for a stool, he had a feeling his legs were about to give way. Aunt Betty looked round. ‘Where are your parents? They should be telling you this not me,’ she muttered almost inaudibly.

            ‘I think you should tell me,’ Greg said lowering his tall frame onto the stool, an action that brought him down to Aunt Betty’s eye level.

            ‘Your parents should have told you,’ she muttered again, straightening her skirt in what seemed to Greg a nervous action. She looked him dead in the eye, ‘You have to move out. You’re an adult now, you can’t live with your parents any longer.’ Her words didn’t register with Greg for a moment, he just stared back. As it started to go in, she started talking again.

            ‘It’s a family tradition that goes back hundred and hundreds of years. It can’t be broken now. All you younger generation think things have changed, but they haven’t. You and Martin have to move out. It’s the way it is.’

            Greg laughed a little. ‘You are joking, aren’t you? This isn’t true.’ Aunt Betty shook her head sadly.

            ‘I’m afraid not young man, once a child becomes an adult they must move out of their parent’s home and start afresh on their own.’

            Greg looked towards the crowd near his brother, on the outside was Suzy.

            ‘Ha, no. Suzy didn’t. She stayed at home until she went to university. We don’t have to. We don’t.’ Again Aunt Betty shook her head.

            ‘She was a lucky girl, she was born in the summer, her birthday was just a few weeks before she went to university. The night before her birthday was a full moon so she had nearly four weeks to move out. It coincided with her leaving for university anyway. I’m sorry Greg, but you and Martin need to move out in the next couple of weeks.’

            Greg felt like his world was falling apart. He looked over at Martin, who at that moment looked back up at him. Martin saw the colour had drained from his twin’s face and ran over.

            ‘Martin. What is it?’

            ‘We have to move out. We have to become adults and live on our own,’ he tried to explain before the shock got too much for his body to handle and he fainted, falling into his brother’s arms.

What do you think? Is it worth going back and doing anything with? I’m not sure if the story’s strong enough, or if there’s too much explanation after the tradition is revealed? Whatever you think, please leave me a comment and let me know. Thanks. And have a lovely weekend everyone.

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