Fiction Friday #159

Apparently I really liked the prompt this week. It’s a 1100 word story about teenage love anyway. I wrote a smaller piece for something else earlier this morning in present tense. I then started writing this in past tense, but couldn’t stick to it, I kept reverting back to present. Eventually decided to go back and change it all to present – if I missed anything out and left it in past tense please ignore it. I hope that’s not cheating on the rule of ‘no editing.’ Today’s prompt from Write Anything is:

Include this in your story: “I wish he’d knock on my door instead……..”

Here’s my story. Please leave a comment at the end.

I sit on my bed knowing this isn’t healthy, but can’t help it. I have to have my daily Daniel fix. I look at my watch, he’s late. He always gets there at the same time on Fridays – after football practice.

Twenty minutes later I’m still glued to my bed. What if he’s arrived early? They hardly ever go out on Fridays, so I know if I’ve missed him, I won’t get to see him until tomorrow morning when he leaves hers. I curse Janie and her idol chatter. Who cares about her mum’s cats? I didn’t care when there were only two, now there’s kittens I care even less. And now I’ve probably missed Daniel because of it.

No one knows about my crush. Well, I can’t tell anyone can I? Sam is a good friend, it isn’t right for me to fancy her boyfriend. But I can’t help it. From the first time I saw him I wanted him. I saw him first, it should’ve been me that went out with him. But no, no, I had to stay with my boyfriend when I went to uni didn’t I? Of course he didn’t even look at me when I had a boyfriend, he was too nice for that.

It doesn’t matter that I split up with him a few weeks later, Daniel was already with Sam, and Sam was halfway to loving him. Now, three months later she’s head over heals. I don’t think he feels the same. But that may be wishful thinking.

Tell you what I is wishful thinking, every day I see him walk up to her flat, I wish he’d knock on my door instead. I wish he’d take me inside and tell me he loved me, like I loved him. It wasn’t going to happen though was it? Even if it did, I couldn’t do that to Sam. She is a good friend, I couldn’t. I don’t know if I really believe that, or if I’m telling myself it. It doesn’t matter either way, it’s not going to happen is it?

The door to Sam’s block opens and she walks out. I duck down so she can’t see me. She caught me once, watching for Daniel. I made out I was just cleaning my room, and was dusting the window sill. She believed me, but I can’t use that excuse again. I really should get some net curtains. God, I sound like a stalker, I’m not. I have to keep telling myself that.

The doorbell rings then seconds later there’s feet running up the stairs.

‘Jules, he’s dumped me,’ Sam cries before she’s even got through the door. She bursts into tears and falls on to me bed. So that’s why he hasn’t arrived. Jeez, I am a terrible person, my friend’s here in tears and I think about him.

‘What? Why?’

I think she’s trying to talk, but the noise that escapes from her is just that, muffled noise. My poor duvet. What am I thinking? I am the worst friend ever.

I sit on the bed and put my hand on her arm, I hope this comforts her. It doesn’t, she goes on sobbing. I can’t complain, I did exactly the same to her when James and I split up. Even though I did it, and I was happy doing it, it hurt. I can’t imagine how much this must hurt her. I can’t help thinking that this does mean Daniel’s free. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.

As if she’s reading my thoughts, she sits up. Her make up’s run all down her face and her eyes are double their normal size. My heart goes out to her. Here’s one of my best friends, really hurt. Even with my feelings for him, I hate him. How can he do this to her?

‘There’s someone else.’ For a second my heart stops beating. Someone else? Could it be? It couldn’t? It might be… Me? I hate myself for thinking this, but we do talk, I do often feel like there’s something between us. But no? Me? I feel my stomach moving – I don’t know if it’s excitement or nerves.

‘He didn’t even do it face to face. The bastard called me up.’ I can’t help it, I gasp. How could he do that? I never believed he loved her, but surely he felt something for her? She doesn’t deserve that. ‘He said that it wasn’t working between us. I tried to argue, say it was, but eventually he told me he didn’t love me, and that there’s someone else. He loves someone else.’ Her sobs get worse. I feel helpless, all I can do is hug her.

‘He’s a bastard,’ ‘You can do better than him,’ ‘He doesn’t deserve you,’ Come out, I even get in ‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea.’ And I mean it. How can he do this to her? I hate him.

As her sobs start to die down, my mobile rings. I extract myself from Sam to get it from the window sill where I left it.

It’s Daniel. God. What do I do?

‘Just my mum. I’ll be back in a sec,’ I say, walking out my room, knowing I can’t talk to him with her in the room.

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh thank god you answered. I thought Sam might be there.’

‘She is.’

‘Oh. She’s told you then?’

‘What that you’re a total and utter bastard and did a really cowardly thing to her? Yeah she told me.’ There’s silence down the line. That only makes me all the more angry. ‘How could you do that? She’s heartbroken here. I’ve never seen her like this. I don’t know what to do.’ I start pacing the hall, not being able to stand still.

‘I… I thought you’d be pleased?’

‘Me?’ Although it comes out more as a squeak that a ‘me.’

‘Yeah. You do feel the same, don’t you?’ My head started swimming, what’s he saying. Oh god, I’m not the someone else am I?

‘What?’

‘Oh no. I thought you did. I swear you did.’

‘What Daniel?’ I’m shouting now. Shouting and trembling.

‘I dumped her for you. I love you. You love me too don’t you?’ He at least has the decency to sound sheepish.

‘Daniel. You’ve just dumped my BEST FRIEND in a lousy, cowardly way. I wouldn’t go out with you if you were the last man on earth.’ As I slam my phone closed I realise it’s true. Friendship is stronger than a crush. 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Fiction Friday #159

  1. I liked the mental change your character underwent. At first she is infatuated with the man then it shifts to disgust. It would have been interesting to see this go just a bit further and see the reaction of her friend learning that she was dumped for her best friend.

  2. A good dynamic was set up between the characters, seeing the scene play out through the MC’s eyes. The vagaries of tempestuous love.

  3. I like the portrait of teen drama that you paint. I think most women will be able to see their younger selves in these characters. Smart move having your MC choose her friend over a boy. I’m not so sure many girls would do the same. It says a lot about her character.

  4. Thanks everyone for your comments. I really wasn’t sure where it was going to go, in fact, I kind of thought that she would go for him and leave her friend, but at the last minute she came through good.

    Uncle Tee and John, you’re so right, it would’ve fitted well into last week’s prompt – if only I’d had that idea last week!

  5. am sad a bit for Daniel…… Well, when he didn’t feel in the way for Sam, how would he remain wid her……. yes the lady did her part by rejecting the bastard:-)

    Nyways a nice read……turned out very much in an unexpected manner for me…..Thanks!

  6. I’m glad she chose her friend over her “crush.” I like the way you had so many emotions and thoughts conflicting with each other. Jealousy, loyalty, empathy, anger and guilt.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s