Fiction Friday – The sign

Wow, it’s Friday again. How did that happen? The prompt for this week from WriteAnything is:

A signal is misinterpreted…….…..

I went all teen romance on this for the second week running. I wonder if my brain’s trying to tell me something. I couldn’t think of a good way to end this so it just kind of stops – sorry, I was out of ideas by the time I got there. As always, I’d love to hear your comments. Oh, and don’t forget it’s unedited!

            ‘He just smiled at me!’

            ‘What? I can’t hear you when you whisper like that.’

            ‘Shhhhhh. I said he smiled at me!’

            ‘Who?’ Sammy turned round to see if she could see who it might be. Her head snapped back quickly. ‘Not HIM?’ she hissed.

            Janine nodded, the smile on her face bigger than a Cheshire cat’s. Sammy tried to hide her shock, but obviously failed. ‘Why are you so surprised? Don’t you believe he could fancy me?’

            Sammy didn’t know what to say. She kind of did find it hard to believe, not that Janine wasn’t pretty, but she was used to getting all the attention from guys.

            ‘You don’t believe it do you? I bet you thought he fancied you didn’t you?’ At least Sammy had the decency to blush at her friend’s statement.

            ‘I… I… It’s not that I don’t believe it, it’s just that… well… he’s never spoken to you has he? It’s a bit strange.’

            ‘OH My God,’ they heard coming from behind Sammy. Ann came running to sit down. ‘You will never guess who just smiled at me. He’s never looked at me before, but he looked straight at me as I walked in, and smiled. I didn’t even think I looked that good today; I must do though mustn’t I? Wow, I wonder if he’s going to ask me out. Imagine if he invites me to the prom. That would be so cool.’ She slumped down into the seat at the end of the table to see the other girls staring at her. ‘Hey, why are you two looking at me like that? Aren’t you happy for me?’ Sammy and Janine looked at each other.

            ‘He smiled at me too when I walked in.’ Sammy said quietly, not wanting to deflate her friend’s bubble the way hers had just drooped.

            Ann’s head bopped from Janine to Sammy and back again. ‘But…’ her voice faltered. They all looked at each other questioningly. Why would the hottest boy at school, who had never given either Sammy or Ann the slightest bit of notice in the two years he’d been at the school, suddenly be smiling at them.

            ‘Maybe…’ Ann started. She didn’t have anything to follow up with.

            ‘You should go and talk to him,’ Janine said to Sammy. Her eyes opened wide, in shock.

            ‘Me?’ she squeaked. ‘Why me?’ Her voice shook a little at the thought of speaking to Jimmy. She’d done it loads of times of course, he sat behind her in English, but the idea of making an effort to go over and talk to her was a little too much.

            ‘You know him.’

            ‘No. I only… Hey look, there’s Hannah. She’s looking very happy this morning.’

            It was true, Hannah looked very happy, some might say a little mad – walking along the street alone smiling widely.  They all watched her get to the door, open it and look round. She looked at them waved a little, but continued to look round. Sammy nudged Ann and indicated towards Jimmy. He was smiling at Hannah. They looked back and saw Hannah wave at him.

            Sammy groaned. Ann put her head in her hand and said ‘No. She’s going to be so embarrassed she did that when she finds out he’s just smiling at us all today.’

            Janine gasped, making Ann look up. Hannah was walking towards Jimmy’s table.

            ‘Han.’ Sammy stood up and waved to get her friend’s attention. ‘Over here!’

            Ann held her finger up to indicate one minute and continued to walk towards Jimmy. Sammy groaned again as she slipped back into her seat.

            ‘She’s going to make a fool of herself. What’s she doing?’

            ‘Oh come on, we both thought he was smiling at us in that way when we walked in – she’s just got more guts than us for going over.’

            They looked towards Jimmy, and to their surprise he stood up. It was a surprise to all the people on his table. Each one of them looked between Jimmy and Hannah approaching their table. He walked round the side of his table and met her in the middle of the café. He took her hand and kissed her on the lips. Gasps could be heard from both sets of friends. No one knew what was going on. As far as everyone knew, they didn’t know each other – they were in different classes, had different friends, had no way of knowing each other.

            After a minute of imitate talking Jimmy kissed Hannah again and they both turned towards their respective friends.    As soon as Hannah turned round she silently screamed in excitement at her friends. They turned back round to each other questioningly. What was going on?

            ‘Hi girls, what’s going on,’ she said, faking casualness. As if kissing Jimmy Parker was an everyday occurrence. 

            ‘Good question.’ Sammy found her voice first. ‘What is going on? How the hell did you end up snogging Jimmy?’

            ‘And why didn’t we know about it?’

            ‘And why’s he smiling at us if he’s ‘with’ you?’ They all looked at Ann as if she was stupid.

            ‘He wants to get to know you guys, so was being friendly.’

            ‘Oh. Oh yeah. Of course. That’s what I thought. You thought the same didn’t you Janine? Yeah, course.’ Ann laughed a little at the end.

            ‘So how?’ Janine asked, moving the topic away from the clearly embarrassed Ann.

            ‘Well. Turns out his mum is my little brother’s childminder. Dad was late home last night so asked me to pick him up. I nearly died when Jim answered the door. We got chatting while his mum got Jordan ready – he’d been in the paddling pool – one thing led to another and before I knew it we were kissing in his garden. Wow he’s the most amazing kisser. And so hot. I think I love him.’ Sammy snorted.

            ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’

            ‘We thought it would be really funny to wait until today then just kiss in front of everyone. You should’ve seen your faces.’ She looked across the room to Jimmy who’d just looked up at her. They all noticed that the smile he gave her was totally different to the one he’d given Ann and Janine earlier.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – The sign

  1. The dynamics of teenage relationships provide wonderful fodder for stories with their insecurities, crushes, clothing and music. There is a good dynamic established between the girls and the incredulity of being fancied by one of the “hot” guys. The ending was a good surprise.

  2. Nice foray back into the teen years – you write teen girl giddiness and angst really well.

    This and your previous Fiction Friday post are like an interlinking series of YA shorts that are quite enjoyable to read.

  3. I agree with Vettac. I think teenage romances are you niche. You are able to capture the essence of teenage crushes and the priority teens place on them. Wrtie what you are comfortable with.

  4. I’m with Adam – teenagers are such a wealth of interesting and colourful social and emotional landscapes.

    The dialogue between the girls was naturalistic. If you’re considering doing any kind ot rewrite I’d suggest adding in a few mannerism to really separate the girls, as is want with teenager friends, their speech patterns are almost identical.

    This was a great take on the prompt… hell who didn’t want the cute boy at school to smile at them. I can feel the giddy rush sitting here almost twenty years later.

  5. Thank you all for your comments. I must say I did really enjoying stepping back ten or so years to write this. I think I might stay on the YA lines for a bit – it’s good fun. But then having said that, who knows where the next prompt will take me!

  6. Like Jodi, I think tossing in some mannerisms would strengthen the story. I was feeling a bit lost in spots because the characters all sounded alike and names were bouncing around.

    You do very well with this type of story and it seems to flow naturally. Well done

    • Thanks. I did wonder if there were too many names in such a short story, but felt like it needed four of them to get the point across. I know I say a lot that I might work on a story more, and I know I rarely do, but I might this time. I really might.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s