Archive | July 30, 2010

Fiction Friday 166 – In The Loft

The prompt from WriteAnything for today’s FictionFriday is:

A covert trip into an attic reveals something unexpected.

Here goes my unedited story:

            ‘Kate! Be careful. We don’t want to wake them up.’

            ‘It’s not my fault a bloody box was sticking out. And that hurt by the way.’

            I don’t know how I let myself get talked into these things. I hate the loft in the day, so why the hell I’ve let Danni talk me into coming up at night I’ll never know.

            ‘Right you look over there, I’ll look over here.’

            ‘Can we at least turn the light on, all the shadows are freaking me out.’

            ‘Yeah, good idea Kate, lets turn the bright light on so if Mum or Pete get up they see the light coming from here. Just look over there – the sooner we get this done the better.’ I sometimes hate that girl. I don’t know why I let her boss me about like this.

            I look round the loft wondering how the hell we’re going to find anything in here. There’s just boxes everywhere. The dust on top of them is so thick I don’t think Mum or Pete can have been up here since they moved here seven years ago.

            ‘Do you remember what the box looks like?’ I ask the back of Danni’s body – she’s across the loft already rooting through boxes – there’s a pile of them behind her that obviously don’t contain photos.

            ‘Shhhhhhh. Jeez Kate, do you want to wake them up?’ I’m doing this for mum. I’m doing this for mum. I have to tell myself this or I’d just walk back down the ladder. I hate it when she’s like this. Especially as the surprise party for Mum was my idea. Granted she does have a lot more time to spend organising it than I do, but she’s totally taken over.

            I know I don’t mind really, in fact if I was in a better state of mind I’d be relieved, with all this stuff going on at work and my state of mind about my split with Ian I just can’t give the party the attention it needs. I’m just tired. It’s bloody 2 in the morning. I would’ve thought there was a better time to go searching for old photos of mum growing up.


            I spin back round to see Danni about a foot behind where she was a second ago. Something’s defiantly wrong – she wouldn’t have a go at me one minute for talking too loud then scream the next. I’m not sure I want to know what she’s found. I share her hate of spiders, rats etc.

            ‘Wha… What’s up?’ I know I don’t want to ask, but have to. She waves me over, not taking her eyes off the place she was just sitting.

            ‘Come here. Quick!’ Oh god. What is she going to make me look at? I don’t know why I walk over, I must be mad. If something’s making Danni scream, it’s going to have the same effect on me!

            ‘Danni, what is it?’

            ‘Just come here,’ her voice breaks on the last word, I swear she’s laughing. In fact, she is, her shoulders are shaking. Either that or crying anyway.

            ‘Dan?’ I’m losing my fear a little now she’s laughing (I’m sure she’s laughing) but still a little scared to go over. Danni’s not the kind of person that screams at much. Runs away to hide yes, screams, no.

            She waves her hand again not realising I’m so close, she hits me in the stomach – hard. ‘Omph.’

            ‘Oh… Sorry…’ she gets out between her giggles. It did really hurt, but I’m too intruded what she’s found to make a big deal about anything. Well, if I could stand up straight. That really did hurt.

            ‘What is it Danni? It’s dark over there I can’t see anything.’

            ‘Down there.’ She points to the floor just behind a box to our left. I look at her, I’d actually have to move round the side of them to see whatever it is. I back away. I don’t want to see this. No, she’s laughing, of course I do. She stands to the side and pushes me slightly to make sure I have a look.

            My heart starts beating hard in my chest, I’m part terrified, part excited. I crouch down and stop. I keep repeating that Danni’s laughing, it’s nothing bad, but I can’t stop remembering that scream.

            ‘Go on, look,’ she urges me. I close my eyes for a second gathering up courage and look round the corner. I come face to face with another face. I jump back screaming, but before I land I realise what I’ve seen. I start laughing too. Behind me Danni’s fallen to the floor in stitches. I join her. I wonder who left a mirror behind the boxes…

As Kate (the MC from one of my novels) went down so well for last week’s FF I thought I’d bring her back this week. I decided that before I read the prompt, then when I read it, I wanted to write a children’s story. But I kept with Kate. As a few of you know, I had some problems working out what Danni found (Kate’s LITTLE sister) especially when she started laughing at it. Thanks for the suggestions those that gave them.  

Please let me know what you think of it. And have a great weekend.