Fiction Friday #167 – 6th August

             Strains of Bobby McFerrin’s ‘Don’t worry Be Happy’ floated into the room. Dan cringed, he’d kill Sam, what the hell had he been doing messing about with his CDs. He knew he shouldn’t have left him in the lounge alone for any length of time. At the same time he was impressed that Sam had probably found the most embarrassing CD he owned to put in the player.

            He quickly poked his head round the door to the lounge.

            ‘Ignore that. I had my god son round last night and left him alone in here.’ She turned and smiled, tilting her head to one side, god she was so beautiful. ‘What?’ he asked.

            ‘I’m trying to imagine you as a god father. Are you good with kids?’ He hadn’t realised what he’d done, but mentally patted himself on the back for bringing up Sam. Girls loved men that liked kids. She was probably imagining him being the father of her kids at this second. Whatever worked to get her into bed. Although, she was there, back at Dan’s – there wasn’t much doubt they’d be going to bed soon!

            ‘Oh, I love kids. Well I love Sam anyway. He’s three. When my best mate got married and his Mrs got pregnant I freaked out. But now I love spending time with him. He’s my little man.’ Dan crossed to the fireplace and picked up the picture that took centre stage there. ‘This is him.’ He handed it to Molly, knowing the picture of him and Sam giggling like they were both three years old would make her fall for him just a little more.

            ‘Oh he’s so cute.’ She handed the picture back at him grinning. ‘So do you want children then?’      

            He didn’t know how to play that question. He didn’t want her to think that this was going to be anything more than a one nighter, but at the same time, it was always good to give women what they want to hear.

            He decided to ignore the question and bent down to her level, looking her dead in the eye.

            ‘I’ll tell you what I do want…’ He lent in and kissed her gently on the lips, his left hand gently grazing her bare arm, down to the crease in her elbow. He kissed her again doing the same on the other side. She made a tiny groaning sound he loved, as he drew away and stood up.

            ‘I’d better get those drinks while I’m still able to walk away from you. Don’t go anywhere.’ He walked out the room feeling her eyes on his back undressing him.

            As he was opening the wine his mind drifted to shopping with Kate the other day. And the way she looked in THAT dress. It had fitted her perfectly showing off every curve she had. He couldn’t believe he was thinking about Kate like that. Well, he wasn’t really, it was just a dress on a body. But Kate’s body?

            He shrugged her image out of his head as he carried the wine to the lounge, and put all his attention into creating the next notch on his bedpost.

Today’s Fiction Friday story was brought to you from the prompt 

Strains of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” floated into the room.

I started writing it from Kate’s point of view (the girl I’ve used for the last few weeks’ stories – the MC from one of my novels) but I had a feeling that it could be read as something I’m going through at the moment so stopped that pretty early. I wanted to keep with the ‘Holiday’ (my novel) theme, so thought I’d bring out Dan – he’s Kate’s best friend.

As ‘Holiday’ is written/going to be written 1st person (Kate) I’ve not really explored Dan too much, but thought this would be a good time to. Plus I got the idea of the music being used in a seduction – and Dan’s a proper player so he fitted well.

As always, please let me know what you think, especially as I’ve very rarely entered a man’s head in my writing – does he sound realistic?

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21 thoughts on “Fiction Friday #167 – 6th August

  1. You were able to characterize Dan very well. I get a real sense of his personality through this short exchange. The last bit shares a little more insight as he starts to think of his friend Kate and then gives in to his playboy lifestyle. He shows the potential for personal growth.

    All the little details help to shape his character. I especially liked “the picture of him and Sam giggling like they were both three years old.” It says so much about him, what’s important to him, and his relationship with Sam.

    • Oh I’m so happy you thought that, I was so unsure about writing it, but I seem to have got him down well. You’re right about his personal growth, he goes through more than any other character in the novel!

  2. Interesting choice in seductive music.

    Your main character kinds of rubs me the wrong way. Having a daughter changes the way you look at those “What do I have to say to get her into bed?” moments.

    Its an interesting piece of a larger storyline.
    Well done.

    • I was a bit worried about people not liking Dan, because he is a bit of a … well… slut. But he’s a nice guy too. I wonder how you would’ve felt about him before your little one was born – if if she was a he 🙂

  3. Pingback: Tweets that mention Fiction Friday #167 – 6th August « Newtowritinggirl's Blog -- Topsy.com

  4. What a player! Yikes. Nice description of the whole scene. I thought your dialog sounded natural and I like being inside Dan’s head. As I read this I didn’t trust him at all. Enjoyed your story very much! I’ll have to go catch up on your other pieces if this is part of a larger story.

    • The bigger story is actually the novel I’m writing. But my last two fiction friday pieces come from the main character.

      I really want Dan to be likeable as well as a bit of a slut. I might have to make him more so in my next piece (lets see what I can do next week!). Thanks for your comment.

  5. The weird thing is, I know he is a player, a jerk too if you will, but I thought he was nice too? I don’t know… But I really liked the piece, realistic and witty, well done 🙂

  6. You have the character of Dan down well for what you are trying to achieve: thinking from the groin. And the tie in with the god son makes for a nice contrast to see how the character will develop, perhaps beyond the fling to a more mature sense and need for a deeper relationship.
    Adam B

  7. I’m not really a fan of men who see women as conquests (and I have daughters!) but you’re never going to get everyone to love your characters. That he can evoke some kind of response, whether good or bad, is what you’re aiming for i think.

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