Fear?

I went to the pub on Tuesday night and when I got home knew what I wanted to say in a blog. But, I was a little dunk (only a little) so didn’t think it was a good time to write it. So I didn’t. I did however send myself an email to remind me. Despite this email, it’s taken nearly 48 hours for me to put pen to paper – or finger to keyboard should I say. 48 hours. Shocking.

That night in the pub, I got chatting to a couple of friends. One of which has read the 1st novel I wrote for NaNo 2009. When I say the first novel I wrote for NaNo 2009, I don’t mean that I wrote more than one for NaNo ’09. I mean the first novel I wrote; the one I wrote during NaNo 2009. Talk about going off the subject.

Somehow we started talking about the novel (Italian Infatuation) and how I was very proud of myself for writing it. But then my friend, lets call him Jason (because that’s his name!) starting telling me off. Telling me off!! What for? Well, apparently he thought it was really bad that I haven’t done any editing, other than the first chapter, when I finished it 15 months ago. Ah, well yeah, you can see he had a point there.

He was also being very positive about it, saying he really liked it (not bad, when it’s totally not a book for a man – it’s a Mills & Boon type novel). Except the ending. He said the ending was too cliched. Hmmm. Lets just focus on him liking it bit!

He thinks it’s such a shame that I’ve done this amazing thing and finished draft one of a novel – and it is an amazing thing, not everyone does that – and just left it. He’s right. I think it’s a good story. I remember when I read it in Feb 2010, I’d get really into it and forget I’d written it. But editing. It’s just such a monumental feat. When I was drunk the other night… uh… slightly drunk that is… I wrote this Why not to? Fear of completing it and having to try to sell it? rejection? acceptance? what if I actually did it and sold my novel? what what what? What does that tell you? First of it, it tells you I’m a lot more open (honest?) when I’ve been drinking.  I think the key word here is FEAR. When I think about it, I am scared. I’m scared of editing it because then what? Well then I’d have to start subing it. And then what? I get rejected (I’m not being negative, I’m being realistic). Then what happens? I get down because I get rejected lots? I get a tough skin because of it?

Imagine if… I got lucky and SOLD the novel. What the hell would I do? I want to more than anything, but it’s a really scary prospect. Does that make sense? Writers out there, does it make sense? There’s a book one of my friends has read a few times called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. She’s always said it is really really good at, well doing what it says. She also thinks there’s no need for me to read it. But I think maybe I should.

Yes, instead of doing the editing, I should read another book. Uh no. Well, maybe.

Well, that’s what I have to say. Bit of a different blog for me in that it’s about just one thing, instead of jumping back and forward through lots of different subjects. Different isn’t necessarily bad though is it. I’m off now to write a story for Fiction Friday. Get me!

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